


i'll beat up the stars (if they ever tell me you suck)

by atitforatat



Series: the romance series [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Astrology, Beefy Iwa-chan, Crack Treated Seriously, Developing Relationship, Humor, Iwa-chan deserved better, M/M, Oikawa Tooru is a Little Shit, college students
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:14:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23893645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atitforatat/pseuds/atitforatat
Summary: The list of people (and things) Hajime wanted to beat up was successfully updated. Oikawa was still number one though.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Series: the romance series [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1673896
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	i'll beat up the stars (if they ever tell me you suck)

**Author's Note:**

> This was based off of [Liar](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-OvO8ZuW98), being the sixth story of the series!!!!
> 
> This whole idea came up thanks to this [tweet](https://twitter.com/iwacult/status/1254028274252087296?s=20)
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy it
> 
> This is unbeta'd and English is not my first language, so pls warn me about any mistakes ^^

When Hajime invaded Tooru’s dormitory that morning he didn’t feel anything even resembling to love. He felt ready to commit murder, dreaming of a life within jail so he could get rid of Oikawa forever.

Even if it felt and sounded like music to his ears, he knew he would never do that. The list of people he beat up for saying shit about Tooru was just too big for him to claim he hated that shitty crybaby.

The list of people he _wanted_ to beat was even bigger. Oikawa was keeping himself in the first position of both without any effort.

Nonetheless, he invaded Tooru’s place for a reason. 6 a.m., Monday, Hajime woke up with thirty-six lost calls and over fifty unread messages for God knows what, all sent by Oikawa. He tried returning it, but none was answered, and he didn’t have time to read each text. He didn’t even try checking his voicemail before dressing whatever piece of clothes he found and driving like crazy, which would have been a good thing to do since he would know what truly succeed before he broke fuck knows how many traffic laws.

Iwaizumi listened to most of the voicemails in the elevator, if he had done it before leaving his own place, maybe Tooru would have lived more. Oikawa stayed on the eighth floor, so Hajime had plenty of time. Each new recording made his blood boil a bit more. His veins were nearing the point of implosion, the elevator even seemed to go slower. _Even when choosing where to live, the fucker wants to be on the top._

Oikawa was a big fan of sci-fi, aliens, UFOs, whatever the fuck. He also loved mystic stuff, almost anything with “ology” in the end was something he probably enjoyed. Hajime hated when he was the one listening to his rambles about these topics, but he was cool with it too? Besides, Tooru was a better version of himself when talking about things he poured himself into. His eyes got shiny and he even looked cute, in a very friendly manner, not in the “I’m gonna destroy someone’s day” way. When he got like that, Hajime even understood why people sent him those lovey-dovey gifts and why he even had fans. He even understood why he kept being by the bastard's side too.

Each time he had a crush, he would go to any length to find out their birthday, the region they were born, and even the fucking _hour_. Most times, if one of those unlucky bastards was a friend or had simply talked to Hajime once, Oikawa would make _him_ go after the information.

Once, when the sucker swore that crush was _the_ one, Hajime even asked the poor boy’s mother. It was a total disaster. All that for nothing, since, in the end, Oikawa got tired of him after two months and dumped the guy by a text message. Hajime yelled at him until his ears got red. _Good times_.

The point was Oikawa was _obsessed_ with whatever the stars and planets had to tell him. When they were in high school, he wouldn’t start their practice until he read each one’s horoscope and made sure nothing could go wrong. He bitched a lot if anyone interrupted him. But his obsession never affected Hajime directly, considering their proximity and all.

Now, after they knew each other over ten fucking years, Oikawa sent him endless messages saying they weren’t meant to be. “Iwa-chan”, that was how each voice message started, “your star sign doesn’t match with mine. Why do you hate me????? HOW COULD YOU HATE ME, IWA-CHAN??”

The texts all said he needed to see Iwaizumi as soon as possible, it was _an emergency_. He said he would die and all the other dramatic shit he would throw around every time something small happened. And, the fact that Hajime went after him each fucking time, even though he knew pretty well how stupid the reason would be, was something like a neon sign screaming dark truths Iwaizumi didn’t want to listen to just yet.

When the elevator finally hit the bastard’s floor, Iwaizumi used the spare key he had (while another alarm ringed in his head, shouting unfathomable ideas to his ears) and charged in already yelling how much of a stupid idiot Oikawa was. The man in question was sleeping soundly, without a care in the world, with his arm pending off the top bunk bed and his feet uncovered by the blankets.

Hajime held in the urge to correct the other’s state since his original goal was to wake up the _sleeping beauty_. “Shittykawa, what does it even mean Gemini? Why the fuck did you wake me for that? It’s a fucking Monday morning, you filled my phone with texts, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD BY THIS TIME!”

Oikawa was used by Iwaizumi’s early screaming sessions, so he woke up peacefully. He saw the angered man and tried to recall anything he did wrong these last days, just so he could cut out half of the shouting. They saw each other last week, so it’s been some time, he missed Iwa-chan already, but he couldn’t quite recall anything funny, which meant he did nothing wrong though. “Good morning, Iwa-chan. What brings you here?”

Tooru’s dormmate got up when he heard that. Iwaizumi didn’t recall ever seeing him around the place, he only knew the guy’s name. Something with Tobi. Maybe Tobikuma? Something like that. He seemed to be around their age and his hair was a vivid red. He also looked alarmed by something.

Tobikuma, probably, got up from his bed, faced Oikawa with even bigger eyes, and left the room. Iwaizumi was even more lost. “What the fuck is a Gemini????? What are you saying in these audios???? Have you lost your fucking mind??????? I thought you were dead, severely hurt, but you’re just being a piece of shit???? What the hell???????”

“IWA-CHAN, WHY YOU’RE RUBBING IT IN MY FACE? I know you hate me okay, I don’t understand why you’ve hidden it all these years, I feel betrayed, but I accepted it, why you’re here saying these mean things to me?”

“I don’t know what it means???? I’m a Gemini, okay, you’re a Cancer, which is also okay since I’ve always known you suck. But what the fuck???”

“You don’t understand? Iwa-chan, are you stupid?” Tooru was fully awake now. He climbed down the bunk, rumpled hair and wrinkled face. His demeanor was still a little sleepy and his eyes were adjusting to the lights, which came in by the window now that the curtains were pulled aside, it was a Hajime’s feat, he just knew.

His pajama pants were hanging low in his hips and his unclothed torso was free to be appreciated. Iwaizumi’s eye roll made him smirk. He never really showed appreciation for a naked, or half-naked, Oikawa and it was so disappointing because Tooru never made a thing of hiding how appreciative he was of Hajime’s body. _Thank God for beefy men._

“Oikawa, I’m beating up your face if you don’t start speaking.”

“Iwa-chan, we need to work on your anger issues. It’s a huge turn-off, you know.” _Not to me, though._ Oikawa was gaining himself time. At some point, he would have to tell what his ruckus the night before was all about, but he felt a little scared about it. He knew he overreacted, Tobi and Haru were even worried he and his Iwa-can broke up, even if they never got to meet the mysterious “cute Iwa-chan”. 

He got over most of it, but it was still hurting in some distant part of his brain. He has always been so sure, Hajime and he, _they_ were meant to be, he never even had the idea to check if their astrology charts matched, because it simply felt like destiny. “Iwa-chan, I like you. Like _liking_ you.”

It was so silly and yet, Hajime didn’t say otherwise. He mumbled a “me too” and hid his face in Oikawa’s chest. They were watching the last Star Trek movie in his mom’s house. He remembered it perfectly. Hajime did too, he thought. But the signs were telling him otherwise. They were saying bad things and even their horoscopes yesterday were saying “be careful with love, you might not be with the right one”. It was actually Iwaizumi’s saying that and it was even worse. Tooru was obvious the _one_ and _only_.

Everything felt like a lie when he read that stupid compatibility test. But, over the twenty ones he did, none had a different result. They weren’t even in the “workable” level, they were completely impossible. Iwa-chan was his astral hell, for fuck’s sake. But he got better thinking that, as long as Hajime didn’t believe in it, it wouldn’t matter.

Though he thought about it after sending every voice and text message, calling him desperately or simply filling his voicemail with cries of help. That explained the pissed of man in his dorm. At least, his college friends would finally meet him, right?

“Your star sign is my astral hell. Your birthday month is the worst month of the whole year for me. Your horoscope of two days is saying you hate me!!!!! I even paid an astrologer and he said we were better off as enemies or rivals. Iwa-chan, do you hate me?”

Iwaizumi was pissed. So, pissed. What the fuck? He went to hell and back with Oikawa through years, heard shit about him, got pissed with him, beat him, survived the Ushijima nightmare with him, so a bunch of sky fuckers tells him they suck? And the son of a bitch fucking believed it? Honestly, if the stars were saying Oikawa sucked anything else besides his dick, he was beating them up. And whoever was speaking for them was getting whipped along as a plus.

“Tooru, what the fuck? Yeah, you’re cancerous, so what? We’ve been through too much for you to fucking believe a bunch of bright spots in the sky. You can shove your Gemini stuff in your fucking ass. Thank you.”

“Iwa-chan…”

Tooru felt relieved, maybe the stars were mistaken just this time. They were right about him being dramatic though.

“So, this is Iwa-chan? You call Iwa-chan such a beefy dirty-mouthed man?? I mean, Tooru??? Are you okay??”

Tobi, apparently, left their room to seek out Haru and Hisato, his other friends, so they saw with their proper eyes what he did. Tooru talked about his beloved Iwa-chan at every waking hour and wouldn’t shut for the love of God. They tried to pry information out of him countless times, never getting any. They always imagined a cute girl, short, with pink clothes and saying “Shittykawa” in a very sweet manner.

They only got it right in the short part. Iwa-chan was shorter than Tooru but had twice the arm and legs size. His chest was the buffest. Tooru had done so well, but real Iwa-chan was more of an Iwa-sama. He had nothing about cute, delicate, or whatever. He was all sharp muscles and hot vibes. Tooru was officially a lunatic.

“He looks exactly like an Iwa-chan, right? Cute just as the pet name.” Oikawa laughed loudly, even while his head was smacked. His friends felt for him, what a scary hand.

“I hope the stars don’t say shit about them, he looks ready to beat anything if necessary.”

The other two agreed with Haru low comment, but Tobi found it necessary to add: "Yes, but after the way he was when he got here, Oikawa will be always the first one to get smacked." And they agreed even more.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, please tell me your thoughts about it!!  
> Oikawa is obviously a mystic stuff fan, Furodate told me themselves.  
> See ya!


End file.
